Miriam Beck

Clients often come to therapy with a nagging feeling that something is off without really knowing what. After some exploration, at the crux of this discontent so often lies inauthentic living. 

Sometimes we know we are pretending, pleasing others, keeping up with the Jones’ – at times we are oblivious to the mask we are wearing. But either way the price of inauthenticity tends to start costing us more than it serves us – regularly expressing itself as low mood, depression or anxiety.

Another word to describe this inauthenticity is ‘incongruence’ – where we find ourselves acting in ways that are not in line with our personal values. This can undermine our sense of self as we get caught up in a vicious cycle whereby we slowly lose confidence and self respect and then find it even harder to make decisions we feel good about.

So! How can therapy help? Well, firstly it gives us a safe forum to consider what our personal values actually are! We may realise we have simply inherited our values from our parents, school, social media, friends without even realising it so taking time to consider what really matters to us can be the first step in reconnecting with our true selves.

What follows is to imagine how it would be to start living according to our own personal set of values and principles and be supported in the process of building the courage to do so. In my experience, clients who go on this journey soon understand why they have been feeling so crippled by self doubt and dread for the future – because to live according to someone else’s values might not really be living at all.

To enquire about therapy, use the ‘get in touch’ page or e-mail me at hello@eggtherapy.com

Therapy provides a chance to tell our story. To wrap words around our experiences so that we may begin to understand them. Our story may be tragic, it may be strange, it may be traumatic. But it is ours to own and ours to tell.

A well known defence in the face of difficult life experiences is denial – a mechanism used to defer the suffering that occurs when we encounter loss, betrayal, failure and humiliation. Though temporarily powerful in preventing us from feelings of overwhelm, in the long term, it only serves to divorce us from our sense of self, all the while preventing us from seeking the true remedy to life’s wounds – healing. 

Engaging in talking therapy is an act of acceptance. It requires a surrender to that which we wish never happened, but did. It cannot ‘undo’ and those who enter therapy in an attempt to erase their stories will not heal. Indeed it is by embracing the story we have to tell that we can separate ourselves from it. Here we find great release as we begin to enjoy some distance from the experiences we assumed defined us. 

From this more objective vantage point, we can adopt a new strategy, whereby we begin to treat ourselves with the kindness and compassion we would quite naturally show to a loved one or even a complete stranger should they be brave enough to tell us their stories. 

Therapy involves a translating of visceral experience in to an ordered narrative, in turn facilitating the healing process and allowing us to move past our past to engage with the very precious present moment and all it may have to offer us.